Is it ever really goodbye to the ones we love?

I wanted to share with you a little personal experience in the hope that you will take comfort from it, if you are searching for just that. I first met Bonnie when she was four years old, she was so calm, quiet, patient and friendly in fact we made friends straight away. Before I go on further, Bonnie was a beautiful light coated golden retriever and I think I fell in love with her at first sight. At that time I had a lovely little rescue collie labrador cross called Penny who was also a sweet, gorgeous girl of 8 and I had had her in my life a year at that point. Bonnie and Penny met and they were pretty cool with one another, if they were humans they would have stood near enough not to be rude and gently acknowledged one another as a couple of women might have from the Victorian era in Britain. Their relationship was one of respect and it was clear that they were part of their pack but Penny commanded a certain respect that Bonnie acknowledged and abided by. They lie near one another, but never on one another. It was all very civilised.

Life progressed as it does, holidays were had, trips to the seaside etc. and life was good. However one day Penny, having been diagnosed with lung cancer, fell ill and with an overnight stay in the vet hospital it was kinder to let her go and with tears in our eyes I held her in my arms as she passed away, she was 11 and the 3 years I had her she was loved, she knew it and she was happy. Bonnie was sad for about a week, she didn’t smile (as I learned that some retrievers do – blew my mind) and she held her head low but she did come back from it.  I digress, the day Penny passed over I went in to overdrive and continued with my working day and saved the tears until the evening – not entirely sure that was the best for me, however after I had finished work I was walking back to my car and I thought of her when all of a sudden in my minds eye I saw her as clear as day looking younger and more bouncy and alert and the words that came to my mind ‘Mummy I’m fine, I’m here’, tears rolled down my face. Firstly that she should come to tell me that she was alright, but also that she was alright and looking lovely and pain free.

Five months later we invited a little german shepherd puppy in to our home and Bonnie wasn’t amused.  This annoying little puppy was decidedly different from serene Penny and now Bonnie was older at 7 she didn’t appreciate the turned tables.  She looked at us as if to say ‘why? we were alright as we were weren’t we!?’. Three weeks later she realised the little puppy was actually a bit of fun especially when she would walk past Bonnie, Bonnie would take a front paw in her mouth and trip up the pup by taking her leg away from under her and then inevitably playtime would commence, once again life was good. Lily absolutely loved Bonnie and would constantly follow her, lie with her, snuggle up to her, lick her and Bonnie loved every moment of it. They played hard, but when Bonnie had had enough she was clear to Lily the german shepherd and Lily respected that – pushed the boundaries a bit through her teenage time but would get told more sternly and calm would once again be so.

Unfortunately at aged 9 Bonnie got diagnosed with chronic kidney failure and given around 8 months to live so we made those months count and Bonnie was absolutely fine until just over 11 months later.  I will add that all our dogs get regular massage and healing, they often ask for it too, just as I have sat down after a long day working I am faced with a rear end or a shoulder to sort out – I know my place. Unfortunately the time came to let Bonnie go after a few days of giving her healing, she had been lying on her bed and she looked me straight in the eye and her eyes said it all.  She’d had enough. With tears in our eyes we all held her close as our lovely vet gave her the injection in the garden of the surgery and as Bonnie let go I noticed that the atmosphere changed, I can’t exactly pinpoint it but somehow it got more real. Everything seemed to go silent, the birds went quiet and it seemed to get a little breezier for a split second, I heard the words spoken in my ear ‘she’s alright, we have her now’. Then just like that the atmosphere lightened and the sun even came out for a brief time on that already dull afternoon.

I am a healer and psychic medium, I get messages from spirit to pass on to people in sittings with me, this is my job in life. I love it overall. I didn’t always love it, I struggled for years because it frightened me – I don’t know why it frightened me now because it’s part of me and knowing what I do I feel so much love and compassion from spirit. So many people have benefitted and have been able to release not only pain, anger, hurt, guilt but also feel release, love, peace, because a loved one has made contact. It’s never really goodbye, just because the self has left the body doesn’t mean that’s it.

It’s lovely that I should be able to let others know that their loved ones are fine and to be able to give them messages and scenarios that allow them to let go, feel peace and relief.  When my animals, family and friends who have passed over let me know then I get to experience that relief of knowing they are alright and it’s a humbling feeling because there is so much more than what we physically see. Even though I see this directly I am in awe because the purity is so there.

Dedication to Bonnie.  Rest in peace beautiful girl you were an angel on earth; 13th April 2010 to 15th July 2020.